20 The Swolceror's Apprentice

Session 20
The Swolceror's Apprentice

Aug 13-20, 861

Foreword
    As soon as the Trollopulous Macho-Mandalf and the Mr. Wargaming Swolceror memes dropped I knew I had to have one. A high-level wizard with decent strength, enlarge, and a cursory familiarity with the grappling tables? It'd be a sight to see. But it sat on the back burner for a while. None of the magic-users bit the "There's a powerful Wizard to the South who will only take the strongest of spellcasters under his tutelage," which would have forced me to stat him out. And I was having too much fun running the other factions the players were actually interacting with to split focus.
    Now this is a situation that begs for a Patron, but I had specific criterion for whoever was gonna run this guy: Deranged and inscrutable, conniving, willing to learn all the fiddly bits of the spellcasting/grappling rules. As luck would have it, I have a kid-brother in grade 7 who's put in plenty of hours on Palladium's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & Other Strangeness," RAW. Not everyone will be so lucky, but if you are, best ride that train all the way to the end of the line.
    The best part of this scheme, was that I could generate the level 12 Wizard (using Jeffro's stated method for the July 2021 Trollopulous game) and then unload a lot of homework on this kid. "First I need the layout (drawn to scale) of your Wizard's Tower... In addition I'll need a layout of the dungeons below the tower (also drawn to scale)... Furthermore you'll need to furnish me with the names and personalities of your household... Finally I'll need the names and properties of the dozen magical curios you've collected over your career..." each of these with some constraints, and, "Oh, by the way, you have 1 week. Go."
    Boy did that little scamp deliver.
    
Session Report
    Neiroun's player wanted to follow up on a hot tip he'd gotten from his contact at the Gentlefolk of Falkirk (Falkirk's Thieves/Assassin's Guild) about a Wizard with a Magic Item collection who was currently in the middle of spell research. He and Ginger were going to go burgle this Wizard ("Yes of course he's evil, he's got a tower and dangerous magical items. He's a clear and present menace, let's go.")    
    Two days, an encounter with some merchants and their wagon of bulk goods, and a tense encounter with a Sphinx later, they'd arrived at base of the mesa upon which perched the Tower of The Swolceror.
    The party followed the path up to the plateau, but just below the top, the dismounted and left their horses and hirelings, and went up to scope out the situation.
    The situation turned out to be a kid sitting on a bench outside the tower. Ginger went to talk to him while Neiroon skirted the edge of the mesa just below the plateau to get the drop on the kid. This kid was the Swoleceror's Apprentice. As Ginger talked with him, he turned out to be, dumb, gullible, friendly, and eager to help, not to mention very bored what with the wizard busy with spell research. When he heard Ginger was interested in seeing the Curio Museum, and turned to go get permission from the Butler, Neiroon knocked him unconscious with the butt of his dagger. The adventurers entered the Tower.
    The ground level of the Tower turned out to be unoccupied. And after being transfixed for a moment by a washroom with indoor plumbing that far exceeded anything the characters had ever seen, Neiroun went out of the Tower to truss up the Apprentice. When he returned Ginger was dead, a knife protruding from her gut. Neiroun flew out of the Tower like a bat out of a suitcase, mounted up, and rode back to town with the hirelings.
    "That wagon we passed on the way out, if they're travelling on the road, can we catch up with them?" A little math determined that, yes they could.
    "Stand and Deliver," said Neiroun, and it was a Highway-Robbery. The rogue relieved the merchants of their wagon, and sent them back to Mayburgh with rations enough for the journey. When the party arrived at Falkirk, the guards asked to see the bill of lading for the wagon's goods, and tariff to be payed on the goods. Since Neiroun hadn't though to frisk the merchants for important legal documents, he tried to bribe the guards on duty. A solid reaction roll allowed this. 100gp, and Neiroun was in, and offloaded the goods.
    Value of goods: 300gp. Bribe for the Guards: 100gp. Payment to ease the consciences of the Hirelings: 75gp. Profit: 125gp.
    
    At this point Ginger's player dropped out, she'd lost 2 characters in the last 2 sessions, and didn't have a spare. And Rowynn's player dropped in.
    
    Rowynn had the same tip from the Gentlefolk of Falkirk, and so back to the Tower of the Swolceror. Neiroun left the Hirelings in town. When they arrived at the foot of the mesa, they picketed the horses in some scrubby brush, and staked out an ambush along the path, hoping to capture some of the Swolceror's servants, and press them for information. Over the course of the day the waylaid the Dwarven Cook Nadrog, the Halfling Errand-boy Einhard, and the Human Valet Carlette. From interrogating these ("I'm going to cut off one knuckle every round until you start talking"), they gathered that the only people left in the Tower were the Wizard's Butler Assassin Henchman, the Swolceror's Apprentice, and the Swolceror Supreme, Weightlifting Wizard, and Masterof Arcane Gains.
    Armed with this intel, the dwarves were ready to make their assault on the Tower. They jog up the path to the top of the mesa, and see the Apprentice sitting on the bench outside the Tower. Then the dwarves run almost the same play as a few days before. Rowynn chats with the kid, and Neiroun skirts the rim of the plateau to get behind the kid. Only this time, the Apprentice hears the Dwarf before he can crack him over the skull again. So Neiroun, remembering what he heard a few days ago mentions the Curio Museum. The Apprentice explains that he'd be happy to show them the Museum, but he has to trick the Butler into giving them permission to enter the Tower if they want to get to the 5th floor without disturbing anyone. The dwarves agree to this and the kid runs into the Tower up to where the Butler is balancing accounts.
     "Bigstinkybutlermanwhogivesmynewfriendspermissiontoenterthetowersayswhat!"
    "What?"  
    And they're in. The kid leads the party up to a room with 12 items on pedestals: A cup; a mug; a belt; a cylinder 1" across by 12" long, with a button at one end; a loaf of bread; a pair of glasses; a rock; a black sphere with a white circle with an 8 in it painted on, and a flat on the opposite side; a bag; a pair of boots; an unlit torch made of black wood; and a carved wooden mask. At this point Neiroon cracks the Apprentice over the skull and the burglars have got to decide what to take. After a cautious experiment or two they take everything but one of the mugs, and the cylinder. They coudn't lift the cylinder and were terrified of the button on one end. I don't know why they left the cup.
    As they clomped down the stairs they disturbed the Butler who ran up to check on the Apprentice, giving the dwarves enough time to escape.
    Back in Falkirk they locked themselves in Neiroun's room and began to experiment with the magic items. (Identify is a bonkers spell, and even if anyone in Falkirk knew it, and even if the players got items to that someone in time for the spell to be of any use, it's unlikely they'd be willing to cast it.)
    "I drop a coin into the bag."
    "The coin falls to the floor."
    "I look into the bag, can I see a hole in it?"
    "No."
    "Can I touch the bottom of the bag?"
    "Yes."
    "I drop a coin into the bag."
    "The coin falls to the floor."
    "I put the bag over my head."
    "You have a bag on your head."
    "I put the belt on"
    "You're now an ugly female dwarf." (The character had been a male dwarf)
    "I take it off."
    "It doesn't come off."
    This went on for quite some time, and was a riot. Eventually they started asking what they called a Magic 8-Ball questions, and it started answering them. Not just yes-no questions either, but any question would get a response. This sent them into a frenzy, and they started going over all the magic items again and pestering the 8-ball.
    "When I put these boots on, I can see fine, but I can't see the other dwarf, do they have any other magical properties?"
    "Yes."
    "What?"
    "Invulnerability."
    Eventually decided which items to keep, and which to seel. First they went to Alzinath's Antiques, (hoping I think, to avoid the 10% fee their Guild contact would take if they fenced the goods with him.) Alzinath recognized the items, and told the dwarves to get out of her shop and run for the hills if they valued their lives. So of course they went to their Gentlefolk of Falkirk and fenced the goods with him (keeping the 8-ball and the belt) and made a tidy profit. After this they had enough to level and train, and that was the end of the session.
    
Afterword
    In setting up domain-level characters, I try to give them initial goals that will bring them into contact with Falkirk, and by extension the other domain players and session players. And in particular I had hoped that the Swolceror could be a quasi-helpful Patron, given that most of the other domain players are antagonistic. Which is of course why my kid-brother decided to research "Phantasmal Force" first, (which will take him until mid-September). Well, if the Patron won't make contact with adventurers, you can always dangle his magical valuables in front of some thieves, and let nature take it's course. And this obviously respects the autonomy of all involved. If no one wants to bump into anyone, well, them's the bricks.
    

Dramatis Personae
    Ginger, Half-elf Runner, Level 1, Aug 16th, Assassinated
    
    Rowynn Hillbrewer, Dwarf Rogue
    Neiroun Merryview, Dwarf Veteran-Rogue
    Groucho and Zeppo, Human Light-footmen