21 The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Session 21
The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Aug 20, 861-Aug 24, 861

Foreword
Action Cartography

Session Report

    Half the players bailed on this session at the last minute, leaving a player running a brand new character (his others were in training, and dead respectively), and a brand new player running a Magic-User. Two players is plenty to run a session, especially with all the unemployed mercenaries lounging about Falkirk. However, with the sudden change in party composition, the players were unsure of what to do.
    This is a not uncommon occurrence. The last character to really tried to grab the reigns and drive the campaign in a clear direction died during downtime on Aug 10th. And no player or character has yet stepped forward to try and take the reigns.
    Eventually the party decided to talk to Eoddthrynn esq., Falkirk's resident Solicitor, Barrister, Notary, Clerk, etc. Eoddthrynn had put out a call on the 19th for maps. He was (and is) willing to pay dearly for maps of the Ruined Jungle. 100gp for a rough map of a 30-mile hex, and up to 800gp for a 30-mile hex beautifully and exhaustively rendered at the 1-mile hex level. The party was able to sell a copy of the world-map that the other players had put together so far for enough to outfit 2 shortbow-men (Gummo and Karl) for an expedition for the ~10 days it would take to chart 1 30-mile hex.
    Off they went, 15 miles South-West of Falkirk to the low line of hills that marks off the rim of the basin of the Ruined Jungle.
    Now, I should point out that to this point, I had not detailed every 1-mile hex of this or any other part of the Jungle. I'd rigged up some random tables on an index card based on what had already been established, swampy, marshy, there's lizardmen. And so I was excited to generate the terrain as the party pushed through the mire and bracken, and discover together what lay there. I should also say I was excited for the party to encounter Dinosaurs and Red Apes. None came.
    The last part of Aug 20th, and all of Aug 21st, 22nd, and 23rd passed without a single encounter rolled. Here in the Jungle, with the very highest incidence rate of random encounters, every creature decided to stay well back from the 4 humanoids on horseback traipsing through their haunts. Dear Reader, I was crestfallen.
    Aug 24th dawned and the players were getting restless, mile after mile of ruined towers, towering pinnacles of rock, huge swathes of jungle floor thrust high into the air on mighty plateaus, mounds of jungle detritus had gone by. But the adventurers hadn't messed with anything, and nothing had messes with them. The next mile turned up another lizardman mound, and finally Harlow, the Half-elf Runner and the Navigator for the session had had enough.
    "We're going to go investigate this Mound."
    Of course there's a small hole in the mound part-way up. The party dismounts, pickets the horses, and approaches the Mound, bows drawn, arrows nocked, knives drawn. Dear Reader, you know this story. Harlow puts one foot on the Mound and Jack Robinson out pops a Lizardman. Now these players weren't fools, they had bows ready to pincushion anything that came out of the mound, especially if they got surprise. (Uncle Gary [DMG pg 62] gives missile weapons *triple fire rate* if they're ready before a surprise segment). But it didn't matter. No-one could land an arrow, except in Harlow's back after the Lizardman came to grips with him. The Lizardman downed Harlow. The Hirelings still couldn't land a shot (shouldn't've named them after Marx brothers). And then Jute the Half-elf Prestidigitator ran out of darts. And then Jute the Half-elf Prestidigitator remembered she had a spell prepped. Burning Hands.
    Now, to those who pick their spells this may not seem like a big deal. But this is the 3rd Magic-User we've had since this game began, and the 1st to have rolled such an aggressive starting spell. Burning Hands took care of the Lizardman's last hit point, and (after throwing Harlow's body over his horse) Jute led the party on a hasty retreat back to Falkirk.
    Treasure Collected: Lizardman's Gold Necklace (1100gp)
    1-mile hexes mapped 120/???
    
Afterword
    I had spent all week building castles in the clouds about show swell it would be if the party decided to map this hex. 10ish days in the Jungle would be tough, but doable if they kept their heads down. I knocked together an 11" x 17" PDF of a 30mile-1mile hex and was blown away by the tactical opportunities this information would present. Maybe there would be a fortuitous arrangement of ruined towers along which to establish supply lines for the people of Falkirk to open up a front in the Goblin Patron's back yard. Maybe... Maybe... Maybe... What I failed to consider is that mapping ~780 square miles in ~3 square mile increments would take a lot of table time. Perhaps it felt like a slog because it was a new Navigator and a new (to us) mapping procedure, and practice will yield better results. Perhaps it would be better as a downtime action for a couple of rangers or a Patron's army.
    
Dramatis Personae
    Harlow, Half-elf Runner, Level 1, Aug 24th, Lizarded by a Lizardman's Lizarder

    Jute, Half-elf Prestidigitator
    Gummo and Karl, Human Short-bow-men

20 The Swolceror's Apprentice

Session 20
The Swolceror's Apprentice

Aug 13-20, 861

Foreword
    As soon as the Trollopulous Macho-Mandalf and the Mr. Wargaming Swolceror memes dropped I knew I had to have one. A high-level wizard with decent strength, enlarge, and a cursory familiarity with the grappling tables? It'd be a sight to see. But it sat on the back burner for a while. None of the magic-users bit the "There's a powerful Wizard to the South who will only take the strongest of spellcasters under his tutelage," which would have forced me to stat him out. And I was having too much fun running the other factions the players were actually interacting with to split focus.
    Now this is a situation that begs for a Patron, but I had specific criterion for whoever was gonna run this guy: Deranged and inscrutable, conniving, willing to learn all the fiddly bits of the spellcasting/grappling rules. As luck would have it, I have a kid-brother in grade 7 who's put in plenty of hours on Palladium's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & Other Strangeness," RAW. Not everyone will be so lucky, but if you are, best ride that train all the way to the end of the line.
    The best part of this scheme, was that I could generate the level 12 Wizard (using Jeffro's stated method for the July 2021 Trollopulous game) and then unload a lot of homework on this kid. "First I need the layout (drawn to scale) of your Wizard's Tower... In addition I'll need a layout of the dungeons below the tower (also drawn to scale)... Furthermore you'll need to furnish me with the names and personalities of your household... Finally I'll need the names and properties of the dozen magical curios you've collected over your career..." each of these with some constraints, and, "Oh, by the way, you have 1 week. Go."
    Boy did that little scamp deliver.
    
Session Report
    Neiroun's player wanted to follow up on a hot tip he'd gotten from his contact at the Gentlefolk of Falkirk (Falkirk's Thieves/Assassin's Guild) about a Wizard with a Magic Item collection who was currently in the middle of spell research. He and Ginger were going to go burgle this Wizard ("Yes of course he's evil, he's got a tower and dangerous magical items. He's a clear and present menace, let's go.")    
    Two days, an encounter with some merchants and their wagon of bulk goods, and a tense encounter with a Sphinx later, they'd arrived at base of the mesa upon which perched the Tower of The Swolceror.
    The party followed the path up to the plateau, but just below the top, the dismounted and left their horses and hirelings, and went up to scope out the situation.
    The situation turned out to be a kid sitting on a bench outside the tower. Ginger went to talk to him while Neiroon skirted the edge of the mesa just below the plateau to get the drop on the kid. This kid was the Swoleceror's Apprentice. As Ginger talked with him, he turned out to be, dumb, gullible, friendly, and eager to help, not to mention very bored what with the wizard busy with spell research. When he heard Ginger was interested in seeing the Curio Museum, and turned to go get permission from the Butler, Neiroon knocked him unconscious with the butt of his dagger. The adventurers entered the Tower.
    The ground level of the Tower turned out to be unoccupied. And after being transfixed for a moment by a washroom with indoor plumbing that far exceeded anything the characters had ever seen, Neiroun went out of the Tower to truss up the Apprentice. When he returned Ginger was dead, a knife protruding from her gut. Neiroun flew out of the Tower like a bat out of a suitcase, mounted up, and rode back to town with the hirelings.
    "That wagon we passed on the way out, if they're travelling on the road, can we catch up with them?" A little math determined that, yes they could.
    "Stand and Deliver," said Neiroun, and it was a Highway-Robbery. The rogue relieved the merchants of their wagon, and sent them back to Mayburgh with rations enough for the journey. When the party arrived at Falkirk, the guards asked to see the bill of lading for the wagon's goods, and tariff to be payed on the goods. Since Neiroun hadn't though to frisk the merchants for important legal documents, he tried to bribe the guards on duty. A solid reaction roll allowed this. 100gp, and Neiroun was in, and offloaded the goods.
    Value of goods: 300gp. Bribe for the Guards: 100gp. Payment to ease the consciences of the Hirelings: 75gp. Profit: 125gp.
    
    At this point Ginger's player dropped out, she'd lost 2 characters in the last 2 sessions, and didn't have a spare. And Rowynn's player dropped in.
    
    Rowynn had the same tip from the Gentlefolk of Falkirk, and so back to the Tower of the Swolceror. Neiroun left the Hirelings in town. When they arrived at the foot of the mesa, they picketed the horses in some scrubby brush, and staked out an ambush along the path, hoping to capture some of the Swolceror's servants, and press them for information. Over the course of the day the waylaid the Dwarven Cook Nadrog, the Halfling Errand-boy Einhard, and the Human Valet Carlette. From interrogating these ("I'm going to cut off one knuckle every round until you start talking"), they gathered that the only people left in the Tower were the Wizard's Butler Assassin Henchman, the Swolceror's Apprentice, and the Swolceror Supreme, Weightlifting Wizard, and Masterof Arcane Gains.
    Armed with this intel, the dwarves were ready to make their assault on the Tower. They jog up the path to the top of the mesa, and see the Apprentice sitting on the bench outside the Tower. Then the dwarves run almost the same play as a few days before. Rowynn chats with the kid, and Neiroun skirts the rim of the plateau to get behind the kid. Only this time, the Apprentice hears the Dwarf before he can crack him over the skull again. So Neiroun, remembering what he heard a few days ago mentions the Curio Museum. The Apprentice explains that he'd be happy to show them the Museum, but he has to trick the Butler into giving them permission to enter the Tower if they want to get to the 5th floor without disturbing anyone. The dwarves agree to this and the kid runs into the Tower up to where the Butler is balancing accounts.
     "Bigstinkybutlermanwhogivesmynewfriendspermissiontoenterthetowersayswhat!"
    "What?"  
    And they're in. The kid leads the party up to a room with 12 items on pedestals: A cup; a mug; a belt; a cylinder 1" across by 12" long, with a button at one end; a loaf of bread; a pair of glasses; a rock; a black sphere with a white circle with an 8 in it painted on, and a flat on the opposite side; a bag; a pair of boots; an unlit torch made of black wood; and a carved wooden mask. At this point Neiroon cracks the Apprentice over the skull and the burglars have got to decide what to take. After a cautious experiment or two they take everything but one of the mugs, and the cylinder. They coudn't lift the cylinder and were terrified of the button on one end. I don't know why they left the cup.
    As they clomped down the stairs they disturbed the Butler who ran up to check on the Apprentice, giving the dwarves enough time to escape.
    Back in Falkirk they locked themselves in Neiroun's room and began to experiment with the magic items. (Identify is a bonkers spell, and even if anyone in Falkirk knew it, and even if the players got items to that someone in time for the spell to be of any use, it's unlikely they'd be willing to cast it.)
    "I drop a coin into the bag."
    "The coin falls to the floor."
    "I look into the bag, can I see a hole in it?"
    "No."
    "Can I touch the bottom of the bag?"
    "Yes."
    "I drop a coin into the bag."
    "The coin falls to the floor."
    "I put the bag over my head."
    "You have a bag on your head."
    "I put the belt on"
    "You're now an ugly female dwarf." (The character had been a male dwarf)
    "I take it off."
    "It doesn't come off."
    This went on for quite some time, and was a riot. Eventually they started asking what they called a Magic 8-Ball questions, and it started answering them. Not just yes-no questions either, but any question would get a response. This sent them into a frenzy, and they started going over all the magic items again and pestering the 8-ball.
    "When I put these boots on, I can see fine, but I can't see the other dwarf, do they have any other magical properties?"
    "Yes."
    "What?"
    "Invulnerability."
    Eventually decided which items to keep, and which to seel. First they went to Alzinath's Antiques, (hoping I think, to avoid the 10% fee their Guild contact would take if they fenced the goods with him.) Alzinath recognized the items, and told the dwarves to get out of her shop and run for the hills if they valued their lives. So of course they went to their Gentlefolk of Falkirk and fenced the goods with him (keeping the 8-ball and the belt) and made a tidy profit. After this they had enough to level and train, and that was the end of the session.
    
Afterword
    In setting up domain-level characters, I try to give them initial goals that will bring them into contact with Falkirk, and by extension the other domain players and session players. And in particular I had hoped that the Swolceror could be a quasi-helpful Patron, given that most of the other domain players are antagonistic. Which is of course why my kid-brother decided to research "Phantasmal Force" first, (which will take him until mid-September). Well, if the Patron won't make contact with adventurers, you can always dangle his magical valuables in front of some thieves, and let nature take it's course. And this obviously respects the autonomy of all involved. If no one wants to bump into anyone, well, them's the bricks.
    

Dramatis Personae
    Ginger, Half-elf Runner, Level 1, Aug 16th, Assassinated
    
    Rowynn Hillbrewer, Dwarf Rogue
    Neiroun Merryview, Dwarf Veteran-Rogue
    Groucho and Zeppo, Human Light-footmen

08 Molly We Hardly Knew Ye

Session 8
Molly We Hardly Knew Ye

June 36-43, 861

Foreword
    Smaller session played the day after Session 7.

Session Report
June 36, 861:
    The Party set out from Falkirk for the Ruined Library at the edge of the Iron Desert.

June 37, 861:
    The adventurers arrived at the library, and encountered serious resistance from a tribe of Goblins after Hacksaw Molly, triggered a perimeter alarm trap. Hacksaw Molly held a low archway against a dozen Goblins before her death, earning herself the title "Stalwart Defender of The Door." The Party broke and fled from the library after an Owlbear, (the first of other unknown reinforcements) burst upon the scene to aid the Goblins.
While on watch Bongo and Bartholomeus encountered a flock of pegasi, who flew off when Bongo approached them.

June 38, 861:
    The adventurers arrived in Falkirk.
    Acolyte of the Sun Bongo held a Solemn Memorial Service for Hacksaw Molly the Stalwart Defender of The Door.
    Novice Bartholomeus took his leave, preferring to spend more time with Br. Payne.
    Bongo and Posey reprovisioned themselves and their followers and set out to the North-East to explore and map the foothills of Ymir's Teeth.
    
June 39, 861:
    By the time they realized they'd taken a wrong turn, they had arrived at the Ruined Library. The Party turned back for Falkirk.
    While on night-watch, Suzy P. and Jules encountered a flock of Pegasi, who ate grain out of their hands before flying off into the night.

June 40, 861:
    The adventurers arrived in Falkirk. The Party departed to the North-West to explore and map the Bleak Tundra.

June 41, 861:
    Mapping

June 42, 861:
    The adventurers discover the Glacier Stellarium. Posey and Bongo discovered a scalding stream which led to a hot-spring cavern in the ice. There they discovered 8 dragon scales. Posey followed a tunnel from the cavern to a trapdoor below the Stellarium. As she poked her head up through the trapdoor, a terrible ice-creature swung it's massive fist at her, barely missing.
    The Party returned to Falkirk.

June 43, 861:
    Posey, Bongo, &c, arrived in Falkirk with 240 g.p. worth of dragon scales.
    Ava, Bjorn, and Kevin finish their convalescence.
    Bongo spends her downtime reading about the flora of the Bleak Tundra, and pumping Old Man Wenthru for information on Bugbears and Owlbears.
    Posey spends her downtime reading "Astrological Observations of the Glacier Stellarium" Vol VI, and trawling for information on Frost Giants.

Afterword
    The Ruined Library was not a particularly large of complicated dungeon, (maybe 2 dozen rooms across 2 levels). But the players kept wanting to go back to get more books, which would often give them useful information about the millieu.

Dramatis Personae
    Hacksaw Molly, Stalwart Defender of the Door, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 37th 861, Swarmed by Goblins

    Bongo, Half-Orc Acolyte of the Sun
    Posey, Halfling Rogue
    Bartholomeus, Human Novice of the Order of Winter
    Suzy P., Jules, and Jane Ironbones, Human Light-footmen

07 Down Amoungst the Undead Men

Session 7
Down Amoungst the Undead Men

June 35, 861

Foreword
June 35th? It took me some time to get 1:1 time right. During May and June, time between Sessions passed at 1:1, but during a Session, the players could run through as many days as they liked without risking "time compression." As the campaign and real world calendars diverged, the mistake became clear. The best solution seemed to be to add extra days to June 861, and on July 1 re-sync the calendars at full 1:1 JeffroGaxian Time.

Session Report
June 35, 861:
    Recent arrivals to Falkirk, Human Veteran Kevin, Human Acolyte of the Order of Winter Bartholomeus, and Dwarf Bravo Akka, joined Bravo Ava, Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion, Veteran Bjorn Pendragon (and Goat Juniper), Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris and men-at-arms Jane Ironbones, and Hacksaw Molly.
    The Party wandered to St. Cuthbert's Temple of the Five Planets to attempt to clear a nest of Ghouls from the Crypts Below it. Br. Payne, the curate of St. Cuthberts had promised a reward of 250 g.p. for anyone who could deal with the Ghouls, and the adventurers were looking to cash in. While investigating a disturbed stone coffin, a Ghoul crept upon the Party and snatched away Juniper. This prompted a chase, and a series of skirmishes with the Ghouls. Unfortunately, despite inflicting heavy losses on the Ghouls, Juniper was not recovered. The adventurers retreated from the crypts after suffering 3 casualties. They bore their wounded companions to
the door of the Crypts mere inches ahead of a group of Ghouls, and held the door fast against the undead fiends.
    Ava, Bjorn, and Kevin spend the following week recovering from their wounds.
    Dandelion spends her time in Falkirk making friends.
    Carx'(aris) spends her time in Falkirk pallin' around with Al'(zinath the Antiquarian)
    Bartholomeus spends his time in Falkirk getting to know Br. Payne, and asking after local monastic facilities.
    Kevin hires an errand boy to collect some information for him about Falkirk.

Afterword
    This session was a blast to run because I took a few minutes after Session 6 to work out explicitly how the Ghouls would hunt if a party wandered into their lair. The Crypt had lots and lots of intersections and loops so it wasn't very far into the Crypt before the adventurers were susceptible to being hit from all sides at once.
    Also, Kevin hiring this errand boy started a chain of downtime actions and plans by Kevin's player that will come to a head in late July, and lead to Kevin's death in early August, but will continue to define the situation at the domain-level into late August (the time of editing). These are Session Reports, not Downtime Action Reports, so it might not be apparent going forward, but bears mentioning here.
    
Dramatis Personae
    Juniper, Goat, June 35th 861, Taken by a Ghoul
    
    Kevin, Human Veteran
    Bartholomeus, Human Novice of the Order of Winter
    Akka, Dwarf Bravo
    Ava, Elf Bravo
    Dandelion, Acolyte of Amtor
    Bjorn Pendragon, Human Veteran
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Jane Ironbones, Hacksaw Molly, Human Light-footmen

06 The Worst Laid Plans

Session 6
The Worst Laid Plans

June 24-29, 861

Foreword
    An unkeyed crypt map I'd been saving, a ghoul scenario scribbled on the back of a napkin, and a player who "just wanted some NPC to tell us what to do," leavened with Rules As Written, and player plans, produce a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

Session Report
June 24, 861:
    In the Snout and Jowl, a new face appeared at the adventurer's table. Human Veteran Bjorn Pendragon (and Goat Cabrito) joined Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion, Bravo Ivy, Prestidigitator Mr. Sparkles, Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris, and Aspirant Druid Fangorn (and Badger) in a discussion of their next venture.
    Acolyte Dandelion had turned up a job over the preceding week: Br. Payne, Curate of St. Cuthbert's Temple of the Five Planets would pay 250 g.p. to anyone who could deal with the Ghoul infestation in the Crypt below St. Cuthbert’s; and would pay another 250 g.p. to anyone who could take care of the Grave-Robbers who had been troubling the Parish of St. Cuthbert's. After a brief consultation with Br. Payne, the Party took the job and began devising a strategy for removing the Ghouls with minimal danger. Mr. Sparkles suggested a trap. A nest of spears would be bound to a frame that would rotate down on a hinge. When the trap was sprung by it's operator, the spears would swing down into the doorway of the Crypt, slaughtering anything in it's path. To this scheme, a few embellishments were added. The Goat Cabrito would be used as bait. An impromptu cheval de frise would be made to corral any ghouls who survived the trap. And a few hirelings would be enlisted to sweep up the remainder.
    Bravo Ivy (who would operate it) spent the day designing and constructing this trap. Someone fetched Malfoy the Halberdier, Hilda Breakjaw, Jane Ironbones, and Hacksaw Molly. And Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion very briefly examined the inside of the Crypt. With the Preparations complete and the sun setting, the comrades settled in for a stake out. Little did they suspect it's grisly ending.
    A little before sunrise the plaintive bleating of the Goat Cabrito attracted a Ghoul. As it blinked in the quivering torchlight, the Party seemed paralyzed by indecision. There was only one. Should they spring the trap? The Ghoul sprang at the Goat. It was now or never. Ivy triggered the trap.
    Accounts differ as to what exactly happened next, but all witnesses agree on the following: The trap did not function as intended; the Ghoul caught Cabrito; the Acolyte Dandelion drove the Ghoul back into the Crypt with her holy symbol; when the dust settled Ivy was dead, pierced with spears and fallen from the roof.
    
June 25, 861:
A day of rest and mourning.

June 26, 861:
    Elf Bravo Ava replaced Ivy as the adventurers equipped an expedition to the Ruined Library on the edge of the Iron Desert, East of Falkirk.
    After a quiet day of travelling the fellows made camp.
    Part-way through the first watch of the night a detachment of Orcs stumbled upon the camp. Some quick talking from Bravo Ava and Veteran Bjorn smoothed relations and the two of them agreed to accompany the Orcs on an hunting excursion. The hunting party came-upon and slew a Wyvern. The Party stuffed the treasure from the Wyvern's nest into their saddlebags and dragged Bjorn (who had convinced himself he had become an honorary Orc (or something)) back toward Falkirk.

June 27, 861:
    The Party arrived in Falkirk with 2000 s.p.
    Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion performed a Solemn Funeral Service according to the rubrics of her rite for the repose of Bravo Ivy's body and soul. And spends her time in Falkirk cleaning up the debris of the ill-fated Ghoul Trap at St. Cuthbert’s.
    
June 28, 861:
    The Party (sans Acolyte Dandelion) set out once more for the Ruined Library.
    On the Road they encountered a horrible Troll-like creature. In the ensuing fight, Malfoy the Halberdier, Hilda Breakjaw, and the Aspirant Druid Fangorn were killed. They srvivors hurried to shove the Troll-Creature's treasure, and when it started to revive they galloped away for Falkirk, leaving thousands of gold pieces behind.
    
    The Party arrived in Falkirk with 1666 g.p. and 1510 g.p. worth of gems.

June 29, 861:
    Veteran Bjorn trains, and waits from a letter from "his orc buddies" (which will almost
certainly never arrive)
    Mr. Sparkles seeks out Magic-Users, and libraries.
    Eva looks to join the Gentlefolk of Falkirk, and find an assassination job.
    Half-Orc Veteran Narc, the heir of Aspirant Druid Fangorn, comes into his inheritance, and reads "Lichens and Mosses of the Iron Desert' Vols. I, IX.Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Carxaris spends 10 g.p. trying to ferret out what the Troll-creature was, and reads "Astrological Observations of the Glacier Stellarium" Vol VI

Afterword
    There's a lot that could be said about this session, random encounters, reaction rolls, encumbrance. But the star of the show is undoubtedly, "We want to set a trap for the Ghouls." (Or, to put the blame where it's due "I want my girlfriend's character to set a trap for the Ghouls). Uncle Gary [DMG pg 20] gives a pretty simple subsystem to handle this:
    Step 1: The player draws a diagram of the trap, showing how it works.
    Step 2: DM rolls a % chance for the character to correctly set the trap.
    Step 3: If the set trap check fails, there's an "obverse" % chance the trap backfires.
It does not seem to me an unreasonable ruling that the trap backfire (in this case) occured when the trap was set off.

Dramatis Personae
    Ivy, Elf Apprentice Assasin, Level 1, June 24th 861, Trap Backfire
    Cabrito, Goat, June 24th 861, Taken by a Ghoul
    Malfoy the Halberdier, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 28th 861, Mauled by a Troll-creature
    Hilda Breakjaw, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 28th 861, Mauled by a Troll-creature
    Fangorn, Half-elf Aspirant Druid, Level 1, June 28th 861, Mauled by a Troll-creature
    
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Dandelion, Halfling Acolyte of Amtor
    Bjorn Pendragon, Human Veteran
    Mr. Sparkles, Elf Prestidigitator
    Jane Ironbones, Hacksaw Molly, Human Light-footmen

05 A Tale of Two Combat Encounters

Session 5
A Tale of Two Combat Encounters

June 14-16, 861

Foreword
    RED APES! RED APES! RED APES!

Session Report
June 14, 861:
    Nadya the Elf Apprentice Assassin had met Nobody, a liaison of the Gentlefolk of Falkirk (The Local Guild of Thieves and Assassins). Nobody demanded a payment of 65 g.p. to establish friendly relations between the Gentlefolk and the new adventurers (Nadya the Apprentice Assassin, and Posey the Apprentice Thief). Nadya shrewdly negotiated the fee down to 50 g.p.
    In the Snout and Jowl, the party put together another expedition to the Overgrown Ziggurat. The Apprentice Assassin hired Jane Ironbones and Hacksaw Molly for muscle. Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris contracted mercenaries Podrik and Red-Handed Helen. Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion hired Unferð the Generic and Orien. Prestidigitator Bruce Steel rounded out the Party.
    The Party went West, trundling down the soggy track into the Ruined Jungle.

June 15, 861:
    About lunchtime the trail the Party had been following debouched into a large clearing, occupied by the Overgrown Ziggurat and a tribe of Shaggy Red Apes.
    The Red Apes were perhaps paying more attention than Party and so were not surprised. By the time the Party had dismounted and drawn up battle lines, the Red Apes had crossed almost the whole clearing, hurtling towards the Adventures with horrible hooting and howling. A crossbow-bolt from the Apprentice Assassin Nadya, and a magic-missile from Prestidigitator Bruce Steel only served to further enrage the mighty beasts. With a terrific crash the Red Apes charged into the flank of the Party's formation. It was over from the start. Down went Podrik, down went Orien, Unferð the Generic, Red-Handed Helen, Bruce Steel, Nadya, and Carxaris before the grasping hands and flashing fangs of the Red Apes. The remaining Adventurers fled. The Halfling Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion (somehow) put the unconscious Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris on a horse, and healed her as they, Jane Ironbones, and Hacksaw Molly raced back towards Falkirk.

June 16, 861:
    The remnants of the ill-fated expedition arrived in Falkirk with 0 g.p and 0 x.p.
    In the Snout and Jowl, another expedition took shape. Elf Apprentice Assassin Ivy, with Hirelings Jane Ironbones, and Hacksaw Molly; Aspirant Druid Fangorn (and his Giant Badger) with Hirelings Sterling and Gerard; Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion; Elf Prestidigitator Mr. Sparkles; and Gnome Rogue-Prestidigitator Physis Pebblecloak with Hireling Malfoy joined together to go fight Zombies in the Sub-Basement of the Ruined Library.

June 17, 861:
    The Band of Adventurers arrived at the Ruined Library at the edge of the Iron Desert. They marched straight down to the sub-basement, and in a sturdy formation in a narrow hallway, began to butcher Zombies. The Hireling Malfoy, armed with a halberd, finished off at least 5, thus earning himself the sobriquet "Malfoy the Halberdier". While a few Adventurers were knocked unconscious, the Acolyte of Amtor cast Cure-Light-Wounds, and there were no fatalities. With the last of the Zombies in pieces, the Party located the nearest bag of treasure, collected it, and headed back to Falkirk.

June 18, 861:
    At the risk of editorialising. The Party of Cowards, like cowards, avoided a Rad-as-Hell encounter with a Rad-as-Hell 2-Headed-Giant-Snake, in a cowardly fashion.
    The Band of Adventurers arrived in Falkirk with 480 g.p.

June 19, 861:
    The Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion takes a day off to sleep, and then spends her time in Falkirk checking out the local Temple Scene.
    The Aspirant Druid Fangorn and his Giant Badger spend their time in Falkirk reading "Astral Navigation" Vol IX.
    The Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris spends her time in Falkirk recovering from the wounds inflicted by the Red Apes, and hanging out with her friend Alzinath the Antiquarian.
    The Gnome Rogue-Prestidigitator Physis Pebblecloak spends her time in Falkirk investigating
a rumour about the Hand of Vecna.

Afterword
    I did several things wrong with the Red Ape battle. I failed to give the Apes their full attack routine; I failed to give the Apes an attack while the party members were mounting their horses; I neglected to ask how exactly a 2'6" Halfling proposed to dead-lift a human onto a horse. Had I done better, we could've achieved TPK, and that thought is motivation enough to ensure I won't make these mistakes again.

Dramatis Personae
    Orien, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 15th 861, Torn to Pieces by Red Apes
    Unferð the Generic, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 15th 861, Torn to Pieces by Red Apes
    Red Handed Helen, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 15th 861, Torn to Pieces by Red Apes
    Podrik, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 15th 861, Torn to Pieces by Red Apes
    Nadya, Elf Apprentice Assassin, Level 1, June 15th 861, Torn to Pieces by Red Apes
    Bruce Steel, Human Prestidigitator, Level 1, June 15th 861, Torn to Pieces by Red Apes
    
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Dandelion, Halfling Acolyte of Amtor
    Mr. Sparkles, Elf Prestidigitator
    Ivy, Elf Apprentice Assassin
    Physis Pebblecloak, Gnome Rogue-Prestidigitator
    Jane Ironbones, Hacksaw Molly, Malfoy the Halberdier, Sterling, Gerard, Human Light-footmen
   

04 There and Back Immediately

Session 4
There and Back Immediately

June 5-8, 861

Foreword
    Enter, the Red Apes

Session Report
June 05, 861:
    The Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris, and the Halfling Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion (Sister of the Halfling Apprentice Thief Posey) put together a small expedition bound for the Ruined Jungle. They hoped to salvage one of the many caravans that had been rumoured to have gone missing in that verdant wilderness. Carxaris hired Longshanks and Podrick once again at the outrageously high wage of 9 s.p./day with a promise to double those wages if she returned to Falkirk alive. The Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion contracted with Unferð the Generic and Orien.
    Well accoutred, the band left Falkirk, heading West.

June 06, 861:
    While on watch late at night, the hireling Longshanks was killed by a huge spider.

June 07, 861:
    The Party woke to find Longshanks gone. It appeared his body had been dragged to the edge of the clearing, and there the trail went cold. The Party elected not to needlessly risk their lives searching for what was certainly a corpse. The Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion officiated a Solemn Memorial Service according to the rubrics of her rite for the repose of his soul. The party then continued.
    Around midday the group came to a large clearing containing an Overgrown Ziggurat and a nest of Shaggy Red Apes. Before the Apes had time to notice the adventurers, the Party beat a hasty retreat.
    On the trail back to Falkirk the band fought and killed a Giant Poisonous Toad.

June 08, 861:
    The Party arrived in Falkirk with no treasure. Carxaris bought a round of drinks for the 11 villagers in The Snout and Jowl, and paid Podrick 68 s.p. (!). Dandelion gave her hirelings a bonus of 1 g.p. each. The Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris spends her time in Falkirk reading "Liturgies of the Sun Worshippers of the Ruined Jungle" Vol. X, and getting to know Alzinath the Antiquarian.
    The Halfling Acolyte of Amtor Dandelion spends her time in Falkirk setting up a joint bank account with her sister the Apprentice Thief Posey, and checking out the local markets

Afterword
    Uncle Gary expressly prohibits using characters as piggy-banks for each other as Dandelion and Posey do [DMG pg 111]. Oops. I'll do better next time, Coach.

Dramatis Personae
    Longshanks, Human man-at-arms, Level 0, June 7th 861, Killed by a Huge Spider while on night-watch
    
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Dandelion, Halfling Acolyte of Amtor
    Podrick, Unferð the Generic, Orien, Human Light-footmen

03 A Knife (in the Lung) in the Dark

Session 3
A Knife (in the Lung) in the Dark

June 2-4, 861

Foreword
    Another one from the Vaults

Session Report
June 02, 861:
    Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris, Aspirant Druid Fangorn (along with his Giant Badger), and Apprentice Thief Posey hired some muscle for another expedition to the Ruined Library. The Aspirant Druid Fangorn contracted men-at-arms Sterling & Gerard. The Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris hired men-at-arms Longshanks & Podrick. And the Apprentice Thief Posey brought along Unferð (later known as Unferð the Generic). After purchasing the draft horse Strawberry and a wagon from Coldstone Creamery Stables, the Party set off.

June 03, 861:
    The party encountered a pride of lions as they arrived at the Ruined Library. However, the lions (perhaps because of the Aspirant Druid Fangorn) were very friendly to the adventurers, and so the adventurers began their delve unharmed.
    Their first order of business was to determine whether the Kobolds from May 24th were still around. They weren't, but the human Apprentice Thief Laya's skeleton (thoroughly gnawed and pillaged) was.
    Next the Apprentice Thief Posey went to scout out a tunnel they had discovered on a previous trip. Posey discovered a Goblin Sentry for the Goblin Tribe who lived at the other end of the tunnel. Thinking quickly, the Apprentice Thief convinced this Goblin Sentry, that her compatriots were planning a surprise party for the Goblin Tribes Great Protector. When the Goblin turned his back to the Apprentice Thief to go meet her compatriots, she drove her knife through his kidney, and up into his lungs. The Goblin died instantly and silently.
    The Apprentice Thief retreated to confer with the Party, who decided to exterminate the Lickspittle Tribe of Goblins. This they did. But not without cost. The Apprentice Thief was knocked unconscious. This prompted Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris to offer men-at-arms Longshanks & Podrick double wages if she returned to Falkirk alive.
    Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris and Aspirant Druid Fangorn tied the unconscious Apprentice Thief to her pony, Mint Chocolate Chip and sent her (and the 10 g.p. she'd found in Stubbers' purse) under the watch of Unferð the Generic back to Falkirk.
    The remaining six collected quite a few books from the Ruined Library, and spent some time attempting to open a door of black stone. They could neither scratch nor open it, and eventually they decided to return to Falkirk.

June 04, 861:
    The Party arrived in Falkirk with nearly a dozen volumes from the library, a spell book, and 180 g.p.. Longshanks and Podrick were grateful to receive, not double, but triple wages from the Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris.
    The Aspirant Druid Fangorn and his Giant Badger spend their time in Falkirk reading "Lost City Under Morlock's Retreat" Vol III.
    The Apprentice Thief Posey spends her time in Falkirk recuperating.
    The Veteran-Prestidigitator Carxaris spends her time in Falkirk asking for advice on opening doors.

Afterword
    The players (led by Carxaris' player) will from this point bend over backwards to keep hirelings happy, usually with huge wage bonuses.

Dramatis Personae
    Fangorn, Half-elf Aspirant Druid
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Posey, Halfling Apprentice Thief
    Sterling, Gerard, Podrick, Longshanks, Unferð the Generic, Human Light-footmen

02 Making Friends

Session 2
Making Friends

May 27-30, 861:

Foreword
    Rough session report never intended for publication
    
Session Report

May 27, 861:
    The Aspirant Druid Fangorn failed to purchase potions, and to negotiate a loan for purchasing potions.
    The Veteran Fighter-Mage Carxaris, and the Aspirant Druid Fangorn were joined by three new adventurers, the Halfling Apprentice Thief Posey, the Human Prestidigitator Bruce Steel, and the Elf Apprentice Assassin Nadya. They then set off to the East, to return to the Ruined Library on the edge of the Iron Desert.
    The Party encountered a small band of Kobolds guarding a bridge on their path. Each adventurer paid the Kobolds 1 g.p. for the pleasure of crossing the bridge.
    
May 28, 861:
    The Party arrived at the Ruined Library and began once again to explore. The Aspirant Druid Fangorn successfully Charmed a Giant Badger into friendship.
    The Apprentice Thief Posey picked the lock of a room full of Zombies, and promptly
resealed the door.
    The Veteran Fighter-Mage discovered a pit-trap after prying valuable gems off a statue, and the adventurers turned toward the Village of Falkirk.

May 29, 861:
    The Adventurers arrive in Falkirk with a Giant Badger, a Golden Frog Statue (valued at 240 g.p.) and 2 Alexandrite Gems (appraised at 500 g.p. each)

May 30, 861:
    The Apprentice Thief Posey spends her time in Falkirk trawling for rumours.
    The Veteran Fighter-Mage Carxaris spends her time in Falkirk chatting with Old Man Wenthru, searching for a library, and trawling for rumours and adventuring tips.
    The Aspirant Druid Fangorn spends his time in Falkirk training his new Giant Badger
friend.
    The Prestidigitator Bruce Steel spends his time in Falkirk looking for info on spellbooks.
    The Apprentice Assassin Nadya spends her time in Falkirk looking for a Zombie-Slaying Expert.
    
Afterword
    The Giant Badger shouldn’t have been able to have been charmed by the Druid given, HD limitations of
the spell. Won’t happen again

Dramatis Personae
    Fangorn, Half-elf Aspirant Druid
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Posey, Halfling Apprentice Thief
    Bruce Steel, Human Prestidigitator
    Nadya, Elf Apprentice Assassin
   

01 The Ruined Library

Session 1
The Ruined Library

May 22-25, 861

Foreword
    We were young, we were merry, we were very very wise, and how to play the game we weren't sure

Session Report

May 22, 861:
    The Half-Elf Veteran Fighter-Mage Carxaris, the Human Apprentice Thief Laya, and the Half-Elf Aspirant Druid Fangorn left the Village of Falkirk. They travelled East on horseback, chasing the story of the Old Man Wenthru of a Ruined Library on the edge of the Iron Desert.

May 24, 861:
    The Party arrived at the Ruined Library and began to explore. The Aspirant Druid Fangorn was knocked unconscious by a goblin. The Party tied the Aspirant to his trusty steed Neopolitan and sent it back to town as the Half-Orc Veteran Fighter Nark rode up on his faithful horse Cookies 'N Cream. The Party returned to the depths of the Ruined Library. After killing a Giant Centipede, the Party stumbled upon a band of Kobolds. After the Kobolds killed the Apprentice Thief Laya, The Veteran Fighter-Mage Carxaris and the Veteran Fighter Nark fled back toward the Village of Falkirk.

May 25, 861:
    The Veterans Carxaris and Nark arrive in Falkirk with 6 silver pieces and the tome, "The Sewers of Jakalla: Design and Construction" Volume VIII

May 26, 861:
    The Party spends their time in Falkirk recovering, searching for healing potions to buy, and reading the tome they plundered from the Ruined Library.

Afterword
    Always have a spare character ready.
   
Dramatis Personae
    Laya, Human Apprentice Thief, Level 1, May 24th 861, Killed by A Kobold
    
    Fangorn, Half-elf Aspirant Druid
    Carxaris, Half-elf Veteran-Prestidigitator
    Narc, Half-orc Veteran

021 The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Session 21
The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Aug 20, 861-Aug 24, 861

Foreword
    This is the first session report written with the intent to be read outside of the group involved directly with the game. This is also the first session report written since Session 10, we'll see about working through the backlog in the coming weeks.

Session Report
    Half the players bailed on this session at the last minute, leaving a player running a brand new character (his others were in training, and dead respectively), and a brand new player running a Magic-User. Two players is plenty to run a session, especially with all the unemployed mercenaries lounging about Falkirk. However, with the sudden change in party composition, the players were unsure of what to do.
    This is a not uncommon occurrence. The last character to really tried to grab the reigns and drive the campaign in a clear direction died during downtime on Aug 10th. And no player or character has yet stepped forward to try and take the reigns.
    Eventually the party decided to talk to Eoddthrynn esq., Falkirk's resident Solicitor, Barrister, Notary, Clerk, etc. Eoddthrynn had put out a call on the 19th for maps. He was (and is) willing to pay dearly for maps of the Ruined Jungle. 100gp for a rough map of a 30-mile hex, and up to 800gp for a 30-mile hex beautifully and exhaustively rendered at the 1-mile hex level. The party was able to sell a copy of the world-map that the other players had put together so far for enough to outfit 2 short-bow-men (Gummo and Karl) for an expedition for the ~10 days it would take to chart 1 30-mile hex.
    Off they went, 15 miles South-West of Falkirk to the low line of hills that marks off the rim of the basin of the Ruined Jungle.
    Now, I should point out that to this point, I had not detailed every 1-mile hex of this or any other part of the Jungle. I'd rigged up some random tables on an index card based on what had already been established, swampy, marshy, there's Lizardmen. And so I was excited to generate the terrain as the party pushed through the mire and bracken, and discover together what lay there. I should also say I was excited for the party to encounter Dinosaurs and Red Apes. None came.
    The last part of Aug 20th, and all of Aug 21st, 22nd, and 23rd passed without a single encounter rolled. Here in the Jungle, with the very highest incidence rate of random encounters, every creature decided to stay well back from the 4 humanoids on horseback traipsing through their haunts. Dear Reader, I was crestfallen.
    Aug 24th dawned and the players were getting restless, mile after mile of ruined towers, towering pinnacles of rock, huge swathes of jungle floor thrust high into the air on mighty plateaus, mounds of jungle detritus had gone by. But the adventurers hadn't messed with anything, and nothing had messes with them. The next mile turned up another Lizardman mound, and finally Harlow, the Half-elf Runner and the Navigator for the session had had enough.
    "We're going to go investigate this Mound."
    Of course there's a small hole in the mound part-way up. The party dismounts, pickets the horses, and approaches the Mound, bows drawn, arrows nocked, knives drawn. Dear Reader, you know this story. Harlow puts one foot on the Mound and Jack Robinson out pops a Lizardman. Now these players weren't fools, they had bows ready to pincushion anything that came out of the mound, especially if they got surprise. (Uncle Gary [DMG pg 62] gives missile weapons *triple fire rate* if they're ready before a surprise segment). But it didn't matter. No-one could land an arrow, except in Harlow's back after the Lizardman came to grips with him. The Lizardman downed Harlow. The Hirelings still couldn't land a shot (shouldn't've named them after Marx brothers). And then Jute the Half-elf Prestidigitator ran out of darts. And then Jute the Half-elf Prestidigitator remembered she had a spell prepped. Burning Hands.
    Now, to those who pick their spells this may not seem like a big deal. But this is the 3rd Magic-User we've had since this game began, and the 1st to have rolled such an aggressive starting spell. Burning Hands took care of the Lizardman's last hit point, and (after throwing Harlow's body over his horse) Jute led the party on a hasty retreat back to Falkirk.
    Treasure Collected: Lizardman's Gold Necklace (1100gp)
    1-mile Hexes Mapped: 120/???
    
Afterword
    I had spent all week building castles in the clouds about show swell it would be if the party decided to map this hex. 10ish days in the Jungle would be tough, but doable if they kept their heads down. I knocked together an 11" x 17" PDF of a 30mile-1mile hex and was blown away by the tactical opportunities this information would present. Maybe there would be a fortuitous arrangement of ruined towers along which to establish supply lines for the people of Falkirk to open up a front in the Goblin Patron's back yard. Maybe... Maybe... Maybe... What I failed to consider is that mapping ~780 square miles in ~3 square mile increments would take a lot of table time. Perhaps it felt like a slog because it was a new Navigator and a new (to us) mapping procedure, and practice will yield better resultes. Perhaps it would be better as a downtime action for a couple of rangers or a Patron's army.
    
Dramatis Personae
    Harlow, Half-elf Runner, Level 1, Aug 24th, Lizarded by a Lizardman's Lizarder

    Jute, Half-elf Prestidigitator
    Gummo and Karl, Human Short-bow-men